Ramadhan 2010

Ramadhan is almost over *sniff*. There goes another one where I wish I could've done more! I miss going for tarawih at the masjid. With a 5 month-old, its near impossible. Babe sleeps at 7-ish and Sarah sleeps at 8.30. So very early sleepers (by Malaysian standards) and therefore we hardly go out at night. I'm in bed by 10pm. Far cry from student/ single days huh. :)
This Ramadhan was peaceful and beautiful as it always is inshallah - made all the more special with a new addition to our brood. (*sigh* babies are beautiful!) I still was not able to fully fast everyday- since I'm fully breastfeeding little Iman. I thought it would be easier this time compared to Sarah (Sarah was 2 1/2 months when Ramadhan came), but I feel dehydrated and notice my milk supply reduce somewhat (especially when I have to express at work). So I have done what I could - fast every two/ three days. Allah give me strength  to pay back these fasts as soon as possible!

Hiatus

Wow..how long has it been?? Two and a half years! Lol! I always thought bloggers had to be very disciplined or at least have a passion for blogging... and always knew I would struggle at it! Well, my point was proven. lol.

I came across this today accidentally when I wanted to follow someone else's blog and up popped my old blog page - more than 2 years old and totally untouched! lol! Welcome to the world, tech-virgin! I never did have and still do not have great aspirations for this blog. It is merely to serve as an outlet for me when I want to get my thoughts down. 

Well, so many things have happened. I'm currently working as a lecturer at a local private college. At first it was really difficult- I was under a lot of stress and actually suffered a miscarriage in June 2009. Now it is much better because of the flexibility it gives me and the time I am able to spend with my kids. Yes! I have given birth to another gorgeous girl - that was in March this year. She is now 5 months old. Her sister is now 3+ yrs old (How time flies!) My babies are still the center of my life. And with a new one, I have a renewed vigor at doing my utmost to practice responsible and gentle parenting. I will be uploading my second birth story soon! All you birth junkies... watch this space! 
I have also turned into abit of a birth junkie, hence the new name for the blog. Am training to be a Childbirth Educator with Childbirth International and really enjoying it... Well, actually am enjoying more of the practical aspects of CBE training - in Malaysia its still in its infancy - more of spreading awareness of gentle birthing to mums in KL. Have loads of stories to share... let's hope it wont be another 2 and half yrs before my next post!

Iman's birth story

Our precious Iman Ayra was born on a peaceful Sunday afternoon. I had a birth show at 7am in the morning. Didn't feel anything much, so I tried to get more sleep. Shaf and Sarah Ayesha went for a swim at 9am. I would've joined them if it hadn't been for the show - instead, I went for a walk by the pool. I started to feel surges at about 10am and got Shaf to strap the TENS machine on. He told me to get the hospital bag ready just in case. I remember thinking "Oh I don't think it'll be that soon... maybe tomorrow?" He then left to buy some groceries.

I have to say at this point, this labour was different from my first one from the word go. I definitely felt more sensations with this one and because of this, I guess I was a little afraid I wouldn't be able to hack it. Anyway, since it was day time and I hadn't much to do, I started timing surges. They were irregular- lasting only 30 seconds and about 6 or 7 minutes apart. Something felt different though... We went out for lunch with my parents at noon (with the TENS strapped to my back!!). We were timing surges in the car, but they were still irregular although now some were getting closer together. We went back to my mom's house after lunch and I went into the bedroom to lay down. It was almost 2pm.

The surges definitely felt more intense by now and I was aware that I was cranking up the notch on the TENS. I wondered if baby might be posterior and if that would explain the irregularity?? I tried to get in the most encouraging position for baby to descend well. I phoned Karin, my doula, at about 2pm to ask if I should go into the hospital. She said it was up to me. Somehow listening to her voice over the phone had an amazingly soothing effect on me. As soon as I hung up, things started to escalate and I could feel the surges start to occur in a regular rhythm .. "Ah... this feels better".

I don't remember much at this point, only that even if I had wanted to get up I couldn't. The surges became really intense and I found myself scrunching my fists and fingers just to get through them. They were coming fast - one on top of the other, and I couldn't do much except to get in as comfortable a position as possible to get through the next one. I found myself flung forward on a pile of pillows, gritting my teeth... Then, the thought of groaning occurred to me. I let out a low groan and it felt soooo good. Suddenly I felt the urge to push... "But... I can't be ready to push, I must be about 4/5 cm max.. Would I have a lip??" I can't remember much else after this, only that I might have had a little snooze!!

Somehow I managed to get up and reach for the door. I called to Shaf. He came and seeing me, said "Let's go now". I said "I have to go to the bathroom". Once in the bathroom I couldn't move. Shaf was calling out to me, "Get in the car, let's go now!"..." I CAN'T MOVE!"

I got on my hands and knees. Shaf got behind me calling out to my Mom and Dad as he realized what might be happening..."Get towels!".. Chaos outside as reality sank in for my family- mom and dad running up and down, yelling, Sarah Ayesha bawling.

Then I felt the baby move into the birth canal (what an amazing feeling!) and the unmistakable urge to push...

"I can see the head!"

I wasn't sure how hard or gently to push (I didn't have the urge to push with my first birth). So I pushed once or twice trying to be gentle, and could feel her head crowning and the famous "ring of fire".

"Sakit!"

.... but only for a moment...

What do I do now? Pant?

...No time to think...with the next surge her head was out.

"The head's out!"

.... and then with another surge I felt her body slither out.

Subhanallah!!
My baby! My baby's here!!

Shaf held her up to me and she let out a little whimper...I sat down and held her to my bare chest. We checked to see what gender - it's a girl! :) She was wide-eyed and alert, taking in her surroundings. Shaf recited the Adhan in her ear and recorded the time of birth - 2.48pm.

I can't believe it.. I did it!
What joy, what relief!

Alhamdulillah!!

I leaned back against Shaf and held my baby close to me, savoring the moment with this precious new being...We took pictures and chatted, while admiring our little bundle. I took a mental note of the blood loss and waited calmly for the placenta to be expelled. She started suckling my breast within 40 minutes or so. The placenta came soon after..

Meanwhile, pandemonium continued outside as my parents were in shock and there was confusion about which ambulance to call, who was calling who, etc....In the end, it took one and a half hours before the ambulance arrived. God works in wondrous ways because it turned out to be the sweetest, most magical one and a half hours ever! In the silence of the bathroom, I got to enjoy and take in my new baby and bask in the afterglow of this birth..I got the peace I had hoped for that I didn't get with my first birth! :)

When the ambulance arrived, the midwife took the placenta and got Shaf to cut the chord. The ride to the hospital was a bumpy one, and the meeting with the doctor was a brief one. He said I had a tear that needed stitching, but I really didn't want to be stitched then, and asked him if it would heal by itself. He said it would and let me be. We stayed a night at the hospital - mainly to be observed (I have a mild heart condition) and left the next afternoon.

What a HIGH!!! I felt a zillion dollars after the birth and couldn't get enough of my new baby! The recovery has been fantastic and I've felt on top of the world for the past two weeks :)

What an amazing experience!

I think of all the women in my family who have birthed at home - my maternal grandmother who birthed 7 babies at home and my great grandmother who birthed 5 babies at home, and my paternal grandmother who apparently also birthed my Dad in the bathroom - and I am in AWE! I'm humbled that I got to experience birth the way they did..

To all the strong, amazing women whom I talked with before the birth (you know who you are), I thank you for your support in countless ways! :)

To my supportive doctor - thank you for standing up for our rights within a medical system devoid of empathy and understanding.

I pray for a time when birth can be accepted as a sacred and safe event once again, surrounded by familiar faces of loving family and friends instead of the relative coldness of hospitals and indifferent caregivers.

Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal!

He said "Be" and it was

I guess I'll start from the time I found out I was pregnant. It was totally unexpected for Shaf and me. (Shafie is my wonderful hubby). We'd been married for about 9 months. We hadn't been actively trying although I guess I was subconsciously aching for a baby for some time. I felt so lucky... and just really grateful.. I remember those few days- I was on a high ... just elated... and abit emotional. I couldn't help but wonder what this might mean in the greater scheme of things....Was God giving me a second chance to make things right? Does He think I can be a good mother and that's why He's granting me this child? Silly to think so ... babies are born to the worst of mothers too, silly... ooohh can I handle it? Am I really going to be responsible for raising a child? Me?
Of course, from a Muslim's point of view, children are entrusted to us by God. It is the Muslim's duty to fulfil this trust (or amanah) by bringing the child up to be righteous Kalifah (or vicegerent) of Allah. Would I be able to do this? I remember making du'a to Allah sincerely to make things right with this baby...to make this a new start for me, to make amends, to be abetter person....and also for this baby to be a good servant of Allah and for the baby to be protected from syaitan by Allah.
Some might argue that bringing a human being into the world in such a tumultuous time in history is simply foolish.. Yet as human beings we are compelled to procreate...an innate desire to have babies and perpetuate our lineage.. and by so doing, we play our part in God's plan and "assist" in the continuation of the human race, until of course, The End.

Assalamualaikum

Assalamualaikum. I guess this is the part where I write alittle bit about who I am and what this blog is about. I am a new mother of a 10 month old baby girl. Motherhood has been the most rewarding and fulfilling experience for me personally. The past ten months have been hands down the best time of my life. Of course, there have been challenges too, but the rewards are great. This blog will serve as a space to create a snapshot of this amazing time in my life and also to reflect on parenthood from an Islamic perspective, as I journey along, shooting from the hip or sailing along - there's been a tremendous learning curve and it keeps on growing.